November 18, 2017

The rumors of my death were premature, but maybe I should stay silent about it.

Evidence #1 -- Used copies of It's All Academic are selling for $1200, $1300, even $1400 on Amazon.com.  Maybe these are autographed copies?  Of course, a different page on Amazon.com has the book selling new for $1365, so I'm guessing my John Hancock isn't really the value added component.  Nevertheless, I am very excited.  I only need to sell 80 or so of those at those prices (no royalties please,  get all the money to me) to recoup money lost (those with signed copies probably know why that is so).  I suspect I was a victim of the marketplace several years ago when the book could be found for $1 on various websites.  I'm not sure I will ever understand the modern online marketplace, after all Amazon was offering used copies the day my book was published.

Still, all I can assume is that someone spread the fake news about my death this summer and the marketplace responded by making copies of the book very rare and pricey.

Evidence #2 -- A review of It's All Academic in an e-newsletter from the Vincennes University Libraries suggests that 7 years later, the book still hits its targets.  I could be in a coma for a week or for 20 years like Rip Van Winkle and the same lunacy that permeated academia in 2010 would still be there.  While I am so pleased to see the review of the book, I have to admit being a little disappointed that it wasn't part of the Banned Books Week article.  What could possibly drive a book's value more than being banned?  On the other hand, who would want to ban It's All Academic? What kind of thin-skinned weasel would think to ban a book that represents so much of higher education?  I should consider myself lucky to live in a world absent of such paranoid little men.

Evidence #3 --Saw my family doctor this week, second time since the heart attack. Arriving at his office at least 35 pounds lighter than when I was just before the heart attack, I really expected some life-affirming words from him.  Have to admit I was a bit taken aback when he came in saying, "well, you certainly look good on paper."  What the hell? 

"I like to think I look good in body, too, doc." 

"Tell me about your lifestyle now."

"Well, I do the exercise bike for 35-45 minutes a day and am back to playing an hour and a half of racquetball twice a week."

(Barely a confirmation of what I have said) "And your eating?"

"Pretty much chicken, some pork, lots of fish, occasionally vegetarian dishes."

"Well, I notice the first three things out of your mouth were animal by-products.  You should be considering the Ornish diet of vegetables, fruits and grain and no meat.  It has been shown to reverse heart disease symptoms."

At the moment, I really did wonder if I had died and gone to hell.  I was proud of myself for (mostly) giving up red meat.  "Well, that ain't going to happen, dude" was my honest response.

So, if anyone is looking for me, tell them I am still dead.  I will eat whatever the hell I want.  To paraphrase Morrissey, my royalties will bring me these luxuries.