December 16, 2022

I sure hope somebody somewhere put a copy of The Stooges' "I Wanna Be Your Dog" in a time capsule to be opened in the year 2118, or something like that.  After mankind has obliterated the human race, dogs and dolphins will be ruling the land and the sea (respectively) and I am sure will have quite the conversation upon opening that time capsule.

Dolphin ruler: click, click, clicketyclick, whistle, click (from here on out, I will translate, as well as I can, the dolphin speech into English)  "Hey, Spot, look at what I found."

Dog ruler: Woof, woof, arf, arf, woof (from here on out, I will translate, as well as I can, the dog speech into English) "Stop calling me Spot, Darnell. You know I hate that."

Dolphin: You're still just pissed since I snatched that stick your buddy threw into the ocean.

Dog: Uh, yeah. Do you blame me?

Dolphin: Get over it. Anyway, check out what was discovered on that postage stamp of an island that used to be the United States.

Dog {Sniffing}: Phew, it smells gross, even to me. What is it?

Dolphin: Well, you're probably smelling the Big Mac that was in there, but I was talking about the other item in the capsule.

Dog: Yeah?

Dolphin: It's some kind of recording. It's by somebody called The Stooges and is named "I Wanna Be Your Dog."

Dog {Tail thumping}: Really???  Let me see, let me see.

Dolphin: Stand back, Spot.  It's something you listen to, not see or sniff.

Dog: Don't be so sure, bottlenose. Everything can be smelled.

Dolphin: Here, let me play it with this archaic machine also in the capsule.

{Opening feedback strains begin.)

Dog {Holding Ears}: Ugh!  What the hell is this?

Dolphin: The Stooges, you idiot. That's what I told you.

Dog: My God, it's the same thing over and over. And that damn single clinking sound is relentless. Is this some old-fashioned canine torture device?

Dolphin: That was a piano, my friend, or to be accurate a single ivory key on the piano.

Dog: Piano? I hear stories that my ancestors used to love to pee on piano's legs.

Dolphin: Wow, there's a shocker. You'd pee on your own leg if you could.

Dog: I hear someone singing. This must be the great part. How is he describing being like a dog? Loyal? Friendly? Curious? Sniffing someone's junk to see where he's been?

Dolphin: None of the above, Fido. At best it seems to reference laying down face to face.

Dog: Face to face? That's messed up.

Dolphin: That's the first line, "all messed up."

Dog: Of course it's messed up. That should be face to butt.

Dolphin: I have to admit, I don't get anything particularly dog-like from this. One line is "and lose my heart on the burning sands."  What the hell? Is that dog-like or crab-like?

Dog: I don't think this Stooge has any idea what he's talking about.

Dolphin: I gotta admit, this song is a bit of a dog.

Dog: God, I hate that saying. Being a dog is a good thing.

Dolphin: Whatever you say he-who-eats-poop. Wait, there is some other information in here about these Stooges.

Dog: What does it say?

Dolphin: The Stooges were 4 guys from some place called Michigan and were generally seen as some kind of underground heroes.

Dog: Underground heroes? Like moles or chipmunks? Let me at them.

Dolphin: Their lead singer, Iggy Pop, was apparently quite the showman.

Dog: Iggy's Pop, you mean the father of that Great Dane, Iggy, who thinks he owns the world. If he pees on my fence post one more time, I swear he's going down.

Dolphin: You and what army? The guy's name was Iggy Pop, or at least his name with The Stooges. I guess his other name was James Osterberg.

Dog: Oh, name changed after adoption from the kennel? That drove my ancestors crazy!  'What, I am now Hercules, when it took me months to answer to Arthur?'

Dolphin: Focus, Spot slash Rover. We're investigating our find. It says here that Pop was famous for stripping down bare naked and cutting his chest with a broken beer bottle.

Dog: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? That's weird.

Dolphin: Yeah, no kidding. No wonder humans never inherited the earth. They were too busy cutting themselves.

Dog: Speaking of inheriting the earth, I see more and more encroaching water. When you going to let me and my mates come live with you?

Dolphin: Not until you give up crotch-sniffing, dude.

Dog: But that is discrimination. I ought to get the vulture-lawyers involved.

Dolphin: Cry me a river, Rover. We can always use more water for our total domination.

Ed. Note: O.k., so maybe it won't play out this way, but I can dream. In the meantime, excuse me, I have to dig a hole in my backyard. I can't look at this Big Mac anymore.

The Stooges. "I Wanna Be Your Dog." The Stooges. Elektra, 1969. Link here.

Day 208: Aerosmith "Janie's Got A Gun"

Day 210: Joe Bonamassa "The Last Matador of Bayonne"

See complete list here.