David Fleming
It's All Academic   www.davidflemingsite.com   
Go To The Dogs

January 2005:  My personal favorite.


WCAC/QuAAC Corner:  Gary and Dave go to the dogs.

(Alternative title:  There is nothing to Zafirah, but Zafirah itself.)

Gary Franchy, division chair, Math

Dave Fleming, division chair, English, Communications, and Humanities


Dear QuAAC 'expert',

Well before I ever look at your sophomoric articles, I quickly check to see if any of those beautiful Salukis of Amy Charles are featured in the Brags and Briefs section.  Tell me, how many generations of breeding would it take for me to get puppies that are at least 90% Saluki from my half Labrador and half Saluki?  Let me know, as I'm hoping to see one before I die.

A Dog Lover

Gary:  Gee, isn't it great to hear how highly our work is regarded?

Dave:  Now, now, Gary, play nice.

Gary:  Always! Although I must admit that this question is really a bit . . .

Dave:  NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Gary:   . . . of a stretch, isn't it? 

Dave: {Sigh of relief} Perhaps, but we should probably set some ground rules for this article.

Gary: So, we can't litter this article with jokes about female dogs?

Dave: If we do, they may can us!

Gary:  Ha! There's a doggie treat for anyone who gets that last one. Seriously though, I'm sure it would be much easier for "A Dog Lover" to just get a puppy in a more traditional manner.

Dave: I thought breeding was the traditional manner to get puppies.

Gary:  Aargh!  I was talking about visiting a pet shop!

Dave:  Hold on there, Skippy, that's not a very quantitative response to the question.

Gary:  Don't call me "Skippy", Skippy.  Besides, critical thinking skills transcend quantitative thought.

Dave: Fair enough, but could you indulge us with the answer to the question?

Gary: Well, "A Dog Lover" would have to be absolutely sure that all future mates were purebreds. I would advise a little research to find reputable breeders.

Dave:  Anything else?

Gary:  Yes, be sure to check the papers.

Dave:  USA Today?

Gary:   No, but that's great for housebreaking.

Dave:  The registration papers filed with American Kennel Club (AKC)?

Gary:  That's a good boy!  Now assuming everything is in order:

Percentage Saluki = 50 x (2 - (½)n )

Where n is the number of subsequent generations, then . . . 

Dave: Why do I even ask you these questions?

Gary:  Relax, Skippy, I was just getting to the part where even you can understand.  If we keep breeding with purebreds, then the amount of non-Saluki is halved in each of the subsequent generations.  The first generation will be 75% Saluki, the second will be 87.5% Saluki, and the third will be 93.75% Saluki.  Voila!

Dave:  New question - When will the "Skippy" joke find its way to doggy heaven? 

Gary:  Never, if anything it's destined for equine heaven.

Dave:  Ha! Another doggie treat is up for grabs on that one.  You assume nothing but purebreds, but what if a neighborhood Dalmatian snuck in the back yard and "interrupted" the lineage.

Gary:  Replace the 50 in the above equation with half of the percent Saluki of the new parent, and then start over.

Dave:  I thought I had you on that one.  Would "Dog Lover" have any other options?

Gary: Well, I have heard that the AKC will accept new breeds, made up of crossbreeds.  Officially, they're called "evolving breeds."

Dave: Wouldn't Darwin say that's redundant?

Gary: Down, boy. Here's a website that has more information: (Dog Owner's Guide)

Dave: Hmm? So my half Rottweiller and half Black Lab is a "Rott-a-dor?"

Gary: And "Dog Lover's" Saluki, Labrador, and Dalmatian puppy would be a "Salbrador Dali."

Dave:  You're just the persistence of agony, aren't you?