March 5, 2013:  Choose Your College Like A Cut of Meat

Just in case you missed it, Washington State University is selling beef.  You can also buy a Washington State University grill brand to burn that Washington State University logo on your Washington State University beef.  And if I looked hard enough I am sure I could find a Washington State University toilet seat cover . . .  and perhaps the Washington State University toilet paper . . . to highlight the last stage of your beef consumption.  (Lest you think I am joking about the toilet seats, see these options from e-bay.  University of Hawaii and Boise State University have them, WSU.  Get with the game!)

I fully expect the University of Oklahoma to get the beef.  This is a chuckwagon they need to jump on quickly.  They could sell the beef before their games against the University of Texas.  "Take a bite out of Beevo" Sooner fans (Beevo being the beloved U of T steer mascot).

Of course, SEC schools could have their pork project, selling pork loins, bacon, and hocks before Arkansas Razorback games.

All of this moves me to write very bad poetry (as opposed to very bad prose, you are all saying).  But don't blame me.  Blame WSU.

Innocuous Generic College Fight Song

College is what you make

of it when you can buy

a juicy marbled steak

praised by our alumni.

We have tutors galore

To help when you get stuck.

Unlike our competitor

We want to give a chuck.

We all are transparent.

We cannot tell you fibs.

Isn't that apparent

By this nice side of ribs?

Satisfaction surveys

By our students have found

Final grades less than A's

Go better with ground round.

Plagiarism is wrong.

So, please do not purloin.

You keep your morale strong

By taking this sirloin.

Yes, you could go elsewhere

But, why would you risk it?

We can offer healthcare

And this lovely brisket.

With the hottest degrees,

future cash in the bank,

You will say, "Champagne, Please,"

As you devour that flank.

Our school is now a brand

That sears more than just meat,

Your giving should be planned,

Years long after you eat.

For the record, I'd like it to be known that I made it through this whole blog without any bad jokes about cows, bull, manure or udders.  I think I have shown remarkable restraint.