February 2, 2021

So much to get giddy about from one link.

First, there is a publication called "Potato News Today," implying that a day cannot go by without news from the Spud World.  Its subheading recognizes what so many of us already know: that the world needs a "no-frills, no-nonsense daily account of breaking global potato news stories." 

Most of the articles are pretty much what you might expect from the industry: "The power of the Idaho potato brand;" "Growing effective managers and leaders in the horticulture and potatoes sector;" and "Planned potato acreage in Spain expected to be down." I didn't go all the way back into the archives to see how it covered Dan Quayle's famous gaffe regarding a "potatoe."

Second, "Potato News Today" represents the diversity of the botanical world.  It is willing to elevate spinach into the collective world view in a way not seen since Popeye. However, it seems to be one story in the category of "Latest North American News?"  What you can't find enough about potatoes in North America?  In all seriousness, how slow was the news day in the potato world that you decided to write about spinach? Surely, you could have done an "On this day in 1992, the spelling of 'potato' was the headline heard across America!"

Third, spinach can warn us about global warming.  Not that half of the world will listen. I can hear some of my neighbors already saying, "Damn spinach has been hanging out with the Mary-Juana plants!"   

Fourth, spinach can warn us about global warming by sending scientists an email. Be still, my beating heart.  Someone still sees the importance of email. Granted, it's a freaking spinach, but give me something here.

Of course, the explanation behind the New York Post type headline is a little more complicated than that:

"When the spinach roots detect the presence of nitroaromatics in groundwater, a compound often found in explosives like landmines, the carbon nanotubes within the plant leaves emit a signal. This signal is then read by an infrared camera, sending an email alert to the scientists." 

In other words, if I listen to the scientists regarding mowed grass, confirming that the smell I love is the odor of crying grass, then there is only one conclusion: plants everywhere are speaking to us. And they ain't happy!  It's Day of the Triffids. Or, maybe just a trick of the light.^*

Sure, all of the conspiracy theorists will try to shoot this all down.  The plants will be programmed to lie.  The plants will reply to all in a response email. And Spam in this world of vegetables can't possibly go well.

What I am most disappointed about, however, is that Potato News Today didn't come to Dr. Doug Schauer, SMC's chemistry faculty member, who could have given a much better quote than, "“Plants are very good analytical chemists,” explains Professor Michael Strano who led the research. “They have an extensive root network in the soil, are constantly sampling groundwater, and have a way to self-power the transport of that water up into the leaves.” Doug’s research concerns removing heavy metals from water, and so PNT really could have had a headline:

"Scientists, not content with having plants consume heavy metal, have taught spinach plants to send emails that warn us about climate change." Subheading: "Take that, you science deniers!"

Sure, it's a mouthful, but then isn't that how I prefer my daily potatoes?

Nevertheless, the accidents in our Chemistry lab these days are pretty minor compared to landmine explosives.  Maybe we'll leave the spinach research to braver souls.

*Obligatory reference to obscure new wave band.