|The History of Higher Ed (As Told Through Limerick)
May 23, 2019
Because I want to . . .
Before I start, allow me to proclaim
I'm taking a few liberties to frame
The subjects via rhyme,
Requiring twists in time,
Perhaps in fidelity just the same.
Students, we must begin with rhetoric,
Initial offering so historic,
Some pretty persuasion
For romantic occasion,
Sold to the Athenian electorate.
Alongside the tongue we slid in logic,
Applied reason to every topic.
Glorified man's knowledge,
Set the stage for college,
Absence of women near hyperbolic.
Grammar completed the first trinity,
Because rules are close to divinity.
Who could have predicted
Its impact as inflicted
By a future of sour grammar nazis?
The realm of science started with the sky.
After all, aspirations were so high.
Between planets and moons,
Pomegranate and prunes,
To choose astronomy is no surprise.
Course in Logic takes us only so far;
Astronomy showed us only the stars,
Needed study of math
To calculate the path
From the lyceum to dimly lit bars.
Let us to jump ahead a thousand years
To subjects addressing our deepest fears.
Here is theology,
No, not mythology,
This course covers vatican-endors'd spheres.
Not satisfied with just linguistic rules,
We sought out ethics as sadistic tools:
Ethics of our savior,
In glory of mighty monastic schools.
It would be only a matter of time
'Fore ethics had to be applied to crime.
Fast as summons are serv'd,
Our torts got preserved,
'Long with the first jokes of lawyers as slime.
Slowly, surely emerged liberal art,
Humanities have a literal start,
Study wax'd poetics
For sensitivity's critical part.
X. Social Science
When Freud and friends argued with defiance
That their fields had joined in alliance,
A new wave of courses
With strength of their forces,
Gave us the new realm of social science.
Soon business wanted some of the action,
Economics provided the traction.
Didn't take very long,
For it to come on strong:
Management, Marketing, more expansion.
New millennium on the horizon
We're shock'd at what we need to advise 'em.
Welcome to etiquette,
Your greatest deficit,
Good grief, you do not live on an island.
XIII. Introduction to College
In the end, as the world spins into chaos
Fearing students' ignorance betrays us,
We have a new welcome,
College Skills 101,
And a flooding of tears from the dais.