August 5, 2014

Reading The Chronicle of Higher Ed and Inside Higher Ed continues to be an exercise in patience.  It's difficult to find much hope in the future of higher education with all of the issues swirling around it.  When I did the "Bracketology 2013" series of blogs about the challenges of higher education, I basically left it all on the field (so to speak).  Yet, a year and a half later, there are new issues I don't even mention there:  Title IX and sexual assault issues; plagiarized MBA's; Obama Rankings; Net Neutrality.  The list never ends.  It's difficult not to wallow in complete despair.

However, instead of revisiting the specifics of Bracketology, I instead turn to my version of the REM classic "It's The End of the World As I Know It (and I Feel Fine)," original lyrics found here.  (For the two people in America who have never heard the song, here is the video.)

It’s The End of Academe as We Know It (And I Need Wine)

That’s great, it starts with a MOOC-quake

Ashford, CTU, an APU, and Eric Cantor is not afraid

Bulls-eye of a senator, listen to ourselves churn

‘deme serves its own needs, don’t mis-serve student needs

Grad rates up a point, accelerate

The counselors start to swear with a fear of debt, loan debt

Defaults are afire, represent the spiraling costs

And a government so tired with a combative spite

Loom here, coming in a hurry with the IRS breathing down your neck

Cleary Act, administrators baffled, tarred and feathered, stopped

Look out Title IX fine, then

Uh-oh, on the news, stigmatized, common crime

What can you do, save yourself, serve yourself,

‘deme serves its own needs, listen to your coed scream

Served with the alcohol and the party culture to the right

You’re Number One Party School, Syracuse, bright light

Feeling pretty wiped.

It’s the end of academe as we know it

It’s the end of academe as we know it

It’s the end of academe as we know it, and I need wine

Ninth grade, dual credit, don’t get caught with no vets

Diminished trad population mourned, non-trads, no return

Lock in common app, net price comparison, bloodletting

Affirmative action too late, Obama rankings rate

Light a way, light a path, speed up, speed up

Watch your curricula crush, uh oh

This means no test, remedial, developmental steer clear

Accreditation, accreditation, accreditation of sighs

Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives, and I’m resigned.

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it, and I need wine (It’s time I feel so alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it, and I need wine (It’s time I feel so alone)

The other night I dreamt a tenure track divide

Academic freedom  gone the way of Oscar Hammerstein

Carousel  asides, Carousel rides, Carousel  slides

Plagiarized MBAs, Un-condoned Hazes, adjunct pay

You antiquated, not updated, sham of education, right, right!

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it, and I need wine (It’s time I feel so alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it, and I need wine (It’s time I feel so alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it, and I need wine (It’s time I feel so alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it (I feel so all alone)

It’s the end of academe as we know it, and I need wine (It’s time I feel so alone)