October 29, 2011: Talk About Job Creation

This week I ran across a very peculiar credential: "collaborative divorce practitioner." I have heard of collaborative divorce, of course, but was a bit taken aback by the official title. And since I am the Interim Dean of Nursing and Human Services right now, I figured I should take my opportunity to propose some new degree that sounds hot. Although I suppose the whole point of collaborative divorce is to maintain coolness.

So, here's my proposed curriculum, leaving out those pesky general education requirements that are a given. This is an associate level degree, meeting President Obama's desire to get people into the work place quickly. We have decided to go with the course code of COLD (COLlabortive Divorce).

COLD 130 -- Filing the Papers (cross-listed with LEGL 180 -- Legal Processing) (2 credits)

Course Description: Learn state by state rules for filing divorce papers. Special attention given to states, such as Washington, that allow same-sex marriages.

COLD135--Awkward Silences (cross-listed with SPEE170--Speaking Up!) (3 credits)

Course Description: Learn techniques to motivate ex-spouses to speak up at the first event they mutually attend after filing.

COLD 145--His friends Vs. Her friends: Managing the awkwardness

Course Description: Apply sociological, psychological, and conflict theory to keep friends from being caught in the middle (4 credits: this course meets for 3 hours of lecture and 1 hour of lab in the campus tavern with teaching assistant ex-spouses and their friends).

COLD 150--Supporting the ex's dating (COLD 145 pre-req)

Course Description: Building off of the theoretical and applied frameworks of COLD145, COLD 150 requires students to deal with only one spouse in assessing how to support the other spouse moving on to date first. (Background check necessary.) (4 credits)

COLD 188--Negotiating for the dog (cross-listed with LEGL 240 --Property Law)

Course Description: Save Fido from being the pawn in the settlement. Guest Lecturer Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, will speak about how to interpret Fido's speech. (3 credits)

COLD 194--Math for managing the Timeshare

Course Description: Fairly cutting up property such as timeshares is often perceived as more difficult than Calculus II. Graphing calculator required. (4 credits)

COLD 221--Keeping 30% of the savings from the lawyers

Course Description: This highly popular class that draws from all of the college's programs discusses the loopholes available when filing for divorce. (4 credits)

COLD 249--Seating arrangements at children's weddings

Course Description: A resident wedding planner will explain the appropriate seating arrangements for ex spouses, ranging from required seating at a head table to seating that doesn't make the child cry at sight of the distance between his or her parents. (3 credits)

COLD 266--Second Thoughts

Course Description: Learn how to manage when the divorce proceedings are too collaborative and a conciliatory drink leads to romantic entanglements. (3 credits)

COLD 298--Internship

Course Description: Students are assigned a Hollywood couple planning to file for divorce and must work with them to find an amicable resolution. (6-10 credits depending upon a pre-assessment of the couple.)

I think I may be onto something here. We may be able to get funding from Bruce Willis and Demi Moore to help offset the costs of the internship. Heck, our first student may be assigned Demi and Ashton.