March 7, 2016

Coloring books are invading academia.  An adult coloring book may be coming to your campus soon.  Indiana University, the institution where I sweated and struggled to complete my doctorate, is now publishing college coloring books through IU's press.  University presses are the places where obscure works of deep intellectual thought are supposed to be published, occupying a tiny corner of their bookstore shelves and a huge place on a faculty member's C.V.  Instead, at least for the time being, we get coloring books for Harvard, Indiana, Louisiana State, Stanford, and Notre Dame universities.

My first instinct is to ask if they plan to include these coloring books in their freshman seminar classes.  "Your first assignment: walk around Notre Dame's campus and accurately color in each of the student service buildings.  Make sure you have plenty of shamrock green!"

It probably says enough about the state of education that these coloring books are getting, will be getting, more publicity than some of the new releases mentioned on the IU Press home page.  For instance, poor Ronnie Day, with his New Georgia: The Second Battle for the Solomons, will lose his time in the spotlight to an inevitable Color Your Campus -- University of Georgia, whose constituents won't take long to complain that Louisiana State University got a coloring book before they did.  "Uga," they'll cry.

Or, take a second book promoted on the IU Press home page: Matthew Bonnan's The Bare Bones: An Unconventional Evolutionary History of the Skeleton.  My goodness, the author's name is pretty much the book's subject.  And, yet, it will be overlooked as people rush to see Issy Mueller's Color Your Campus--Indiana University.  Or, at least combine the two ideas and sell a bone white crayon with Bonnan's book.

Come to think of it, I am looking at this all wrong. I should demand a reprint of my dissertation on the depiction of tenements to be included in the adult coloring book series.  All of those old tenement photographs by Jacob Riis were black and white (or mostly grey).  Let's fill in the clothes on those 9 people shoved into that tenement room.  What a learning experience!

IU Press could offer this for all of their dissertations:  the dis-coloration series. 

I don't want to be cynical. Honestly, I don't.

Really, I don't.

Still, there are questions and opportunities:

Seeing that they are starting with Harvard, Indiana and Stanford (as part of the initial five), I suspect a backroom deal with Red Dye #4.  It has been trying for a comeback.

Shouldn't they have started with the University of Chicago with Color My (Academic) World?

Given the bad publicity at Mt. St. Marys of Maryland, maybe they should adopt a Rolling Stones' perspective:  Paint It, Black?

What will they produce for Trump University?  Does Crayola yet make a 'Trump Orange'?  Did they ever have an 'Agent Orange?'  Resurrect and rename it.  For the rest of his shady real estate university, Crayola doesn't even have to create additional colors.  They can use 'desert sand' for all the wonderful land deals that end up as desert land.  'Tumbleweed' will allow for subtleties of terrain.

In fact, I wonder if Crayola can ink (is that the right word?) deals with universities across the country.  They may never be able to get past the numbering system of most major universities. 

"Our crayons come in packs of 8, 16 and 24, but we can pretty much adapt to whatever you need."

"Our schools come in conferences of Big 10, Big 12, and so forth."

"Perfect, we can design our Big 10 Crayola Pack!"

"Uh, but we will need 14 colors."

"Why?"

"There are 14 teams in the Big 10."

"Come again?"

"14 teams."

"And you guys teach math at these universities?"

Get out while you can, Crayola.  It will be worse than playground taunting.