April 11, 2023

(With apologies to The Smiths)

Welcome, my friends, to this new-found,

Provincial town in which you dropped down.

Watch your children, guard your women,

Evil's poisoned the water you drink in,

Scripted your television's sound,

All in the desire to leave you spellbound.

Note that all calls for a witch hunt

Necessitate you at the battle front,

Leading our outrage to compound

Higher positions on the cancel-go-round.

Sniff out secret societies 

Speak of nothing gained for you and me.

We can't abide freedom unbound

As in the banned books our council found,

Or with the messages cloaked

In Bud Light, M&Ms, Disney, or Coke.

Your woke neighbor looks like a clown

With his rainbow coat and painted-on frown.

He and his husband-maybe-wife

They say nothing to me about my life.

They work at the college downtown,

Drive their trendy Tesla with the top down.

You need not trust a nobody

Especially with their advanced degree,

Selling societal breakdown,

Impugning values ancestors brought round:

The destruction of all that's good

For which our little town has always stood.

We don't fancy their kind around,

Call for arms to necessary crackdown.

We're good people, loathe violence,

But the time's now for righteous piousness.