March 23, 2016

I have always been most proud of the level-headed, rational conversation that comes from people within higher education.  In a world of Donald Trump, Cable news, and Kim Kardashian, well-thought out, articulated conversation comes from the corners of academia.

Well, be forewarned: those corners now come with dunce caps.  I submit as evidence two headlines from today's leading higher education publications.

From the Chronicle of Higher Education comes the headline "Does Engineering Education Breed Terrorists?"

And from the U.K.'s Times Higher Education comes the headline "Higher Levels of Education 'Can Benefit Mobsters.'"

Wow, do some of our politicians need any more reasons to think the current state of higher education is wrong?  Do we need to just hand them such ammunition?  A large number of politicians come from Ivy League schools.  That is a rather frightening headline:  "Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Ivy Leaguers."

To be fair, there is a lot more behind the headlines.  Reading further doesn't equate to entering the entirely frightening mind of Bill O'Reilly.  Allow me to get into some of the specifics of the studies behind these headlines.

First of all, most of you probably can't read The Chronicle article because it is premium content accessible only if you have paid for it.  I have said before that in a time when higher education costs are outrageous, or certainly perceived as outrageous, for the country's most pre-eminent online journal to charge for premium content is criminal.  Hmm, maybe the Times Higher Education article will be proven to be correct.

Anyway, the Chronicle article starts in essence with the statement that "Researchers have long noticed that an oddly large number of jihadists have engineering backgrounds."  To test that theory, the specific researchers from Oxford, started with a data set of 500 known Islamic extremists.  Compare that to the mobster researchers (one from University of Essex, the other from California, Merced) who had a data set of 723 members of the Italian-American mafia. I am impressed at the data sets. Who knew how easily one could find this information?

Ted Cruz wants to patrol Muslim neighborhoods in search of terrorists.  Why don't we just invite him to patrol our Engineering classes? Meanwhile, Elliot Ness should have been searching the University of Chicago for his future bootleggers.

The Chronicle article also points out that "the relationship extended beyond Islamist movements to other extremist groups. Violent neo-Nazis and neo-Stalinists in Russia and neo-Nazi and white-supremacist groups in the United States also showed disproportionate numbers of engineers."  Anti-social introverted men.  Who'da thunk?  We should just shut down our Engineering programs right now.  Perhaps we can move them all into business degrees.

Oops, that might make them mobsters.  After all, the Times Higher Education article cites standard business school curriculum: "Education might teach some of the numerical and analytical skills useful in racketeering (extracting the optimal rent), loan-sharking (weighting interests against default risks) and drug-dealing (setting up supply chains). And it might even 'increase an offender’s ability to avoid apprehension and punishment.'"  Ultimately, they conclude that "extra years of schooling bring 'a positive return not only in legitimate activities, but also in illegitimate ones . . . at least for career criminals operating at a high level in complex organizations who perpetrate serious crimes, education is quite valuable.'"  That might describe a large number of CEO's and Presidents well outside of the Italian-American sphere of influence.

As is often the case, all of this simply leads me to parody. I can't help thinking of Stealer's Wheel "Stuck In the Middle With You."

Well, I don't know why I came to college.
I got the feeling there is dangerous knowledge.
I'm so scared in case I get called by the Chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll survive my peers.

Terrorists to the left of me, mobsters to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what my degree will do.
It's so hard to keep the smirk from my face,
Losing control, as I come from the the right race.

Terrorists to the left of me, Mobsters to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Well, you started off with nothing,
And you're proud that you're an educated man.
And your "friends" they all come calling,
Slap you on the back and say,
"Have I got a job for you, yessiree."

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see it makes no sense at all.
Is it cool to call in in the FBI
'Cause I don't think that I trust that guy?

Terrorists to the left of me, mobsters to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

And you started off with nothing,
And you're proud that you're an educated man.
And your "friends" they all come calling,
Slap you on the back and say,
"Have I got a job for you, yessiree."

Yeah, I don't know why I came to college.
I got the feeling there is dangerous knowledge.
I'm so scared in case I get called by the Chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll survive my peers.

Terrorists to the left of me, mobsters to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you.
Stuck in the middle with you.
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.