September 6, 2011: If It Goes To Eleven, Will It Be On The Test?

Today is the first day of classes at Southwestern Michigan College.  There are a number of us that still don't start classes until after Labor Day.  I've already helped a lost student, directed a confused student, and avoided any angry students.  I had to wait in line for lunch and I had to park farther away from my office than usual.  While these are all minor changes in my routine, they are all much better than overhearing students (or faculty for that matter) saying things that make me downright queasy.

In the spirit of that un-queasiness, I present (with all due respect to David Letterman) a top 10 list:

Top 10 Things You Don't Want To Overhear On The First Day Of Classes

10) "One more class and I graduate:  MATH100."

9)  "Go ahead and put 40 students in that classroom designed for 30."

8)  "She let us out 35 minutes early."

7)  "Oh, that's o.k.  That tether is constantly being monitored."

6)  "Don't even bother buying the textbook."

5)  "Look around the room.  Half of you will not be in this class at the end of the semester."

4) "I'm the new quarterback for the football team.  I just transferred from the University of Miami."

3)  "Did I miss anything from that 8:00 am class, Professor?"

2)  "Where can I get an early pregnancy test?"

1)  "Syllabus?  I don't need no stinking syllabus!"