October 23, 2013:  Even A Dog Can Strategic Plan

I so love when higher education gives me a dog of a story. . .  literally, in this case:  The BBC enrolled a dog at American University of London; Fido (Pete, actually) is then awarded a MBA--provided he fork over $7,300 (not sure if Pete got to avoid the Pound in this case and go with the Dollar).

Allow me to say up front that it kills me that I doubt I have any dog jokes not already used, or any better, than the pile of dog jokes accompanying this work done with co-collaborator, Gary Franchy, many years ago.

Make sure you see the original BBC story also here.  That Pete sure is a cutey!  Meanwhile, just think of the humiliation felt by the graduates shown in the picture from the AUL website ("that admissions' rep assured me that the University would not accept prior learning credits for obedience classes!").

Yet, so much other rich material presents itself, starting with the institution: American University of London.    See their response in the article:

• "We are not a bogus university . . . and have always been upfront about our status." (We don't make any pretense about who we are, although every "American University" abroad should shudder at the association with us.)

• "We have not applied for accreditation with any American,  British or other official agency."  (Who needs a stinking accreditation?  That's just a piece of paper. Kind of like our degrees.)

• "Many graduates go on to higher education or hold important positions on the strength of our degrees." (The rest of our graduates, frankly, are dogs!)

So, the name suggests a prestigious institution, but it is obviously a fly-by-night joint.

Who else hears that name and thinks "American Werewolf in London," another instance where British officials probably wished they had stronger immigration laws?

And if you read the original BBC story, you will see that American University of London may actually operate out of the Caribbean.  This story becomes a headline writer's nightmare (or dream):  "Batterseas' Dog Offered Overseas MBA by American University of London Situated in the Caribbean Sea:  Didn't even need to carry a 'C' average."

For all my academic snob friends and colleagues (myself, probably included), this offers a wide open shot at the nebulous value of a MBA degree.  To emphasize that, I turn to Warren Zevon's "Even A Dog Can Shake Hands." 

(Note, that this first set of lyrics is not my parody. One doesn't have to turn Zevon lines into parody. They are already the perfect parody.)

Even A Dog Can Shake Hands (Zevon, Buck, Mills, and Berry--1987)

Well, he's trying to survive up on Mulholland Drive.

He's got the phone in the car in his hand.

Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine.

Even a dog can shake hands.

He wants twenty percent 'cause he knew you back when.

Now they all want a piece of the band.

Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine.

Even a dog can shake hands.

All the worms and the gnomes are having lunch at Le Dome.

They're all living off the fat of the land.

Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine.

Even a dog can shake hands.

Sign Page 42,

We'll do the rest for you.

Find a way to make it pay.

Don't lose your head,

You'll end up dead,

Or you'll be living in the valley some day.

You'll be making the scene 'til they pick your bones clean.

No, they don't leave much for the fans.

Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine.

Even a dog can shake hands.

Sign Page 42,

We'll do the rest for you.

Find a way to make it pay.

Don't lose your head,

You'll end up dead,

Or you'll be living in the valley some day.

Well, I'm trying to survive up on Mulholland Drive.

And I get it any way I can.

Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine.

Even a dog can shake hands.

Still, I can't help but parody the parody, adapted all the more for the dog with the MBA:

Even a Dog Can Strategic Plan

Well, he's trying to stand out on Fleet and rise up on Wall Streets,

And he'll buy any online degree he can.

Everybody's trying to get a leg up on me.

Even a dog can strategic plan.

He wants a twenty percent increase and to be the big cheese.

No longer willing to be an also-ran.

Everybody's trying to get a leg up on me.

Even a dog can strategic plan.

All the staff and riff-raff are going to smugly laugh,

Trying to show me up any way that they can.

Everbody's trying to get a leg up on me.

Even a dog can strategic plan.

Set lofty goals.

Conduct empty polls.

Find a way to get bonus pay.

Don't lose your crown.

You'll be on your way down.

And working in the mailroom someday.

You'll be setting the course with no remorse.

Making deals and getting a good tan.

Everybody's trying to get a leg up on me.

Even a dog can strategic plan.

Set lofty goals.

Conduct empty polls.

Find a way to get bonus pay.

Don't lose your crown.

You'll be on your way down ,

And working in the mailroom someday.

Well, I'm trying to stand out on Fleet and rise up on Wall Streets,

And I'll buy any online degree I can.

Everybody's trying to get a leg up on me.

Even a dog can strategic plan.

All told, I gotta love a world where a dog can get a degree and the original Werewolf of London, Warren Zevon, can be made relevant again.