December 10, 2023

  Travel Abroad Crime Syndicate (TACS)

Annual Report

The Year Of The Cat

To Our TACS Shareholders,

Crime continues to be good; thus TACS continues to be great. Western tourists continue to travel the world, seeing themselves as Humphrey Bogart or Peter Lorre, able to slip in and out of third world villages and towns safely. The Year Of The Cat saw even more tourists hoodwinked, duped, schemed, and shanghaied by TACS operatives.

Our ability to manipulate the delusions of men remains our economic engine. Investments of $2 billion U.S. dollars to purchase silk dresses, patchouli and incense have led to a record profit of $23 billion for TACS in this year of the cat, all thanks to our professional operatives who manage to lure men without leaving them time for any questions.

We plan to invest even more in creating the kind of authentic markets that lure the average tourist to forget their travel plans and to part willingly with their cash, tickets, passports and credit cards. This means that you will see in the coming year more blue-tiled walls in ever-expanding market stalls across Northern Africa, Central and South America, and the Far East. More ancillary operatives necessary for creating the illusions of exotic anonymity, locals who can play Tabla, Cajon, Taiko, Conga and Tongue drums, will be hired to recreate the drum-beat strains of the night 24 hours a day. These investments will allow our slim, beautiful, child-like operatives with eyes like the moon in the sea to mingle around regional markets seducing gullible American, European and Australian tourists.

One detriment to total profitability comes to length of time with clients. This industry has traditionally been driven by a kind of “get-them-in-get-them out” mentality. At TACS, we have come to call these "radio-friendly" versions of interactions. However, we have found that when an operative can entice a client to a more “disco" version of the experience, the fool and his money are even more quickly parted. This is why, in addition to investing in the local milieu, TACS will continue to train operatives on the best practices for enticing men to extended appointments lasting days if not weeks.

By analyzing the operative/client experiences in the last few years, TACS has discovered that whenever an operative was able to keep her client in the local environs for more than three days, profits rose 500%. By the second morning, when the average client has awakened in the same bed with a TACS’ operative, he is 90% more likely to throw away his choice along with his bus or plane tickets. World-wide training of our operatives in the beauty of figurative language is necessary to meet this goal. Seduction 101 often begins and feeds off of dreamy comments such as “my life feels like a river running through the year of the cat.” We will use some of this year's profits to fund that training. Luckily, such education can be delivered via online or Zoom.

At TACS, we fully believe the Year of The Water Buffalo will be even more profitable than the Year Of The Cat. This upcoming year will be my third Year of the Water Buffalo and I am more optimistic than ever about the future of TACS. It’s hard to believe that the company is coming up on its 700^th year of existence: 58 Years of Cats and Water Buffaloes. Things have never looked better for the crime syndicate industry, especially in our sector. Unrest and chaos in the Middle East and Eastern Europe simply drives more potential clients to our markets. I know our operatives are as excited as I am about the future. We believe you should be too.

Thank you for your trust and support,

Edward O. Lee

Chairman and Chief Executive Officer

Stewart, Al. "The Year Of The Cat." The Year Of The Cat. RCA, 1976. Link here.

Day 307: Shriekback "Nemesis"

Day 309: Neko Case "This Tornado Loves You"

Unfinished list here.