August 22, 2023

The Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame needs to spice up its attractions. They should start by borrowing ideas from Cedar Point, the amusement park a few hours down the road (along the lake) and bring in some rides. Even beyond that, they need to be a little more Disney-like in attracting families. A little “Rocky Mountain Way” could supplant Six Flag’s Magic Mountain with a ride as loopy as Joe Walsh.  A “Spinning Wheel” would bring out the blood, sweat and tears of all riders. Everyone could be a “Rocket Man” for a day. Most of all, millions would be able to go on a “Magic Carpet Ride.”

Can’t you see the write up?

Are you born to be wild, little boys? Do you like to dream, little girls? Well, then, step ahead and rub Aladdin’s Lamp. You and 4 of your closest friends will be lifted by this carpet to the heights of the R&R Hall of Fame, experiencing the drug-induced visions delivered by Steppenwolf for thousands of fans in 1968. At the apex of this ride, be ready to drift along on a cloud of sound that will bring you as close to the 1960s hallucinatory flashback as you can legally get (at least in the state of Ohio). It is, to coin a phrase, quite a "trip."

Start by grabbing your Fab Four friends, purchase your "Ticket To Ride," proceed "For The Turnstiles," you Young'uns, and be ready to go into Overdrive when you "Let It Ride!"

You must be this high to ride this ride. How do you know how high? Do you see a purple cow on this sign? If so, you are good to go.

After plunking down $40 each, carpet rolls made up of 5 people push a lamp up through the middle. To move, the 5 riders must rub it vigorously. Within seconds, the carpet would then slowly be pulled up a ramp to the feedback of the song’s intro, the carpet experiencing small dips and rises throughout John Kay’s dour vocals through the two verses and choruses, then drifting and swaying hundreds of feet over the museum during the two+ minutes of stylistic, classic, 1960s instrumentation, organ fills a-bounding, all of a sudden dropping back down to ground level as the hastily added chorus fades out.

The reviews at the Hall of Fame’s website and on Yelp would be fantastic.

• Joe B. wrote a review
• Magic Carpet Ride

5 stars out of 5

My grandmother told me I had to ride the Magic Carpet Ride. Rubbing Aladdin’s Lamp to get the carpet started was pretty cool. The smoke and haze makes it really hard to see where you’re going, but the smell ends up being pretty dreamy. Never thought I’d say this, but thanks Cleveland.

• Candy L. wrote a review
• Magic Carpet Ride

3 stars out of 5

This ride is over too quickly. Just when you get to the highest point and the really weird sound effects kick in, you have to come back down. The disco version of Love Rollercoaster is much longer and worth the $40 and hour-long wait in line.

• Alex T. wrote a review
• Magic Carpet Ride

0 stars out of 5

The carpet is stained. It looks like it came from the remainder bin at HomeGoods. More hands have touched that stupid lamp than the Stanley Cup, which at least gets cleaned between usage. The ride’s hokey like the song it is named after. Herman Hesse must be rolling over in his grave at the devaluing of his original Steppenwolf.  And what’s with the stupid candle we all get at the end. Lame-O.

I tell you Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame, I have a thousand ideas. Just allow me a four-minute pitch meeting. I promise not to bring up the travesty that is the lack of Warren Zevon once, although I got a pretty good idea for a haunted house that might involve some werewolves, a headless Thompson gunner, and some mutineers. Give me a call.

Steppenwolf. "Magic Carpet Ride." The Second. Dunhill, 1968. Link here.

Day 276: Lone Justice "Shelter"

Day 278: Cassandra Wilson "Last Train To Clarksville"

Unfinished list here.