|Ain't This A Pip
January 25, 2017
I have written here before about my sleep problems. I guess I, too, am victim to one of those seemingly only modern ailments, sleep apnea. Several years ago, I went through testing that confirmed that I frequently jerk awake (be careful!) because of breathing problems. I was given a C-PAP machine to control my breathing and let me sleep through the night.
It probably would have done wonders . . . if I could have fallen asleep with that monstrosity on my face. But, that's not my point right now.
I was thinking about that C-PAP system last night when I was struggling to fall asleep. C-PAP, by the way, stands for "continuous positive airway pressure," and is meant to control a person's breathing while sleeping to control either snoring or/and stoppage of breath (the cause for my jerky awakenings). In other words, many of us need assistance in doing what should be one of the most basic things in human life -- breathing. This is why I wonder if sleep apnea truly is a modern disease. Humans have naturally gotten fatter (I am just as guilty as I know that if I lost 30 pounds, I could probably reduce my sleep apnea problem), get less exercise, and who knows may even be evolving so that our bodies aren't capable to accommodate those life changes.
The same affliction seems to be attacking our brains. Humans are naturally getting stupider, use their brains less, and brain research is showing that we are evolving to accommodate (or not accommodate) these changes. See some of Janet Zadina's research as a starting point. Heck, if I was a smarter human, I would have already invented and patented the C-PIP, the "continuous positive intelligence pressure" device.
Think about this. Like the C-PAP, the C-PIP would fit over our faces and would continuously pump logical and intelligent brain waves through our noses into our brains. Every time we have a knee jerk response or reaction, the C-PIP kicks in and over-rides our stupidity.
What I can't decide is if I should market this based upon scenario, meaning to drunks:
That girl/guy at the end of the bar looks hot? C-PIP says not, and tells you to go home. (By the way, let's just overlook the fact that seeing someone in a bar wearing one of these masks would be a real turn-off!)
Think you are going to get behind that wheel? Think again, not, as the C-PIP inspires you to call Uber.
Had too much to drink and want to get that tattoo of Beyonce on your arm? Sorry, C-PIP sends you to the closest Taco Bell instead.
Got the munchies and want to inhale 2000 calories of Taco Bell at 2:00 am? C-PIP recommends lying down and looking at the stars instead.
Or do I market it as a supplement to technology and devices that encourage stupidity?
Want to share that fake news story on FB? Sorry, common sense and the C-PIP to the rescue.
Want to forward that obnoxious email? Sorry, C-PIP will direct you to put it straight in the trash.
Feel the need to share something racist with the world? No way, Jose, the C-PIP is there to delete that thought so you don't have to delete that tweet.
Need to post that pic of your junk, Mr. Wiener? Nope. C-PIP reminds you of the danger of that clip.
I suppose the value of the product is to market it to everybody, but to make sure it really appeals to the powerful. I'm thinking of the all-gold C-PIP mask.
Believe that's an alternative fact? Nope, C-PIP has the alternative to the alternative fact.
And to be fair, to the paparazzi-obsessed celebrity on both sides of the aisle:
See an opportunity to say something too much when given the mike? C-PIP corrects the over-correction.
I am still trying to figure out some bugs. For instance, for some people, everything they say is not grounded in intellectual thought. Would my invention completely overheat and explode when your average executive psychopath addresses a crowd with some trite welcome? "Are you excited to be here?" However, given that this would be the ultimate anti-jerk technology, it seems like really, really easy money!
However, ultimately, the C-PAP bothered me too much to let me get to sleep, so there wasn't a point when I could allow it to do its thing. Are there simply too many people who couldn't even function through the day with this device trying to adjust their intellectual thoughts?
I am thinking that I should be considering a different kind of a mask for all the stupid people in the world: