February 24, 2025

Not long after whispering "goodbye" to his wife,

David was disturbed to see St. Pete holding up his hand,

Indicating he must stop.

"What gives, dude?" he asked, thinking he had earned entry,

Church (most weeks), good deeds, follower of all commanded:

Surely he made the grade.

"None shall pass!" ruled the grizzled old guardian,

"Oh, lucky me," David divined, "the gatekeeper's

 A Lord of the Rings devotee."

"This isn't your time, yet, son, so off you go to hell.

God tells me you have so much still left undone."

Yep, David was stunned.

And as he spun through fog and light far from the gates,

David wondered what awaited him in the underworld

He never could conceive.

Imagine his surprise when he plopped down on a tarmac,

Looking suspiciously like Miami or Vegas or Newark,

Endless stretch of concrete.

There was a guy with a pitchfork ambling towards him,

Tail spinning, horns flattening by the gusts of wind;

David shivered in dismay.

"Don't mind me, you freak, I seem to have been in a dream,

Thought I was dead, figured I was going to Elysian fields;

I blame the Taco Bell."

"Oh, you died all right," crooned his provocateur,

A deep southern accent, syllables rolling like a purr,

"God just sent you back to Hell."

"Hell? Who are you kidding, you psychopathic mutant?

You don't fool me, this is somewhere back on earth.

Let me get on my way."

"It is earth alright. Hell has always been earth, my friend.

All you idiotic humans thinking you had it all figured out --

'Tis The cruelest trick I play."

David scratched his butt and scanned the tableau,

"If that's so, Old Mr. Nick, then where is everyone?

I don't see a single soul."

"That's the thing, you have died after all, my boy,

And we await your destiny in this god-forsaken hole."

The Devil's reply a snort.

It was only then that David realized he had no shape,

Thoughts could be forged, words sent out,

But he was no body.

"You failed the ultimate exam, have been sent back to retest,

Only you will be given a new form, a new life

By which to prove yourself."

"Forgive me for my confusion, perhaps I have a concussion

From that undesired landing. Am I understanding that

Humans get second chances?"

"Maybe? But some of you morons go back and forth for eons,

I swear some of these twits don't even want to try,

Happy as hell."

"Satan, what in damnation do you mean: reincarnation?"

David was always proud of his gift of tongue,

"Am I to be an infant?"

"Oh, don't be so arrogant, you snotty human miscreant,"

You don't want to play semantics with the demented,

"It depends what next dies."

"It depends what . . . ?" but David never completed the query

As he finally saw his figure metamorphosize into

A loathed mosquito!

"Wait, Beezlebub, what the hell does this mean?

I'm doomed to be a flying menace, the worst of all pests?

Did I really do such wrong?"

"Look it's just this time, I didn't make up the rules

And I certainly don't pick ensuing life forms,

After death, you'll be back."

"Go fly around, make your mark (get what I did there?).

It's all you'll be able to do, and if makes you feel any better

I'll release you anywhere."

"Just hold on there, my nefarious keeper, there must be . . ."

"Shush, you foolish soul, your time is ticking fast

You shan't live a day."

David pondered his new form, wondered how he got here,

Wanted to belabor the fairness of his plight,

But he savored blood.

"C'mon, hurry up, there's a back-up behind you,

Tell me where to release you, it can be anywhere

On my lovely earth."

"Damn, this really sucks. (See what I did there, you fiend.)

No one gets in heaven when you're a bloodsucking vermin,

Put me in D.C."

And with that, David found himself on the Washington Mall

Buzzing and fluttering in the sweltering heat, muttering

"Hope I carry malaria."

He looked for an appropriate scourge, best target

On which to inflict the immense bit of scorn he bore,

From before he was reborn.

Like a bull who sees red, David charged toward orange

And on a beeline swarmed in for the prick:

Swatted a second too late.

And while his insect body collapsed into co-mingled clot,

David saw the clouds break and Peter cracking open the door:

Another soul saved.