David Fleming
It's All Academic   www.davidflemingsite.com   
Template of Doom

December 2004:  No rest for the wicked even on the generous holiday breaks that are university schedules.

Dear WCAC/QuAAC Readership:

Dave and Gary are on vacation this week (presumably taking some time to buy their wives at least one holiday gift not adorned with the DU logo) and were therefore unable to submit an article for this edition of the Virtual Connection.

Fear not, readers, for there is still learning to be had!

My cursory examination of their past "body of work" revealed the relatively formulaic nature of their articles.  Dave and Gary, and most of the rest of us who produce innumerable variations on a documental theme, would benefit from the use of a template. By setting up a consistent format, by stockpiling phrases and situations, and by utilizing the same resources, one can construct a template that will allow for the efficient creation of professional documents.

As an example, I have constructed the following "WCAC/QuAAC Corner" template as a holiday present for Dave and Gary. Hopefully, this will afford them the necessary time to meet their journalistic deadlines.

WCAC/QuAAC Corner: [INSERT TITLE WITH CUTESY PLAY ON WORDS]

[INSERT OPTIONAL ALTERNATE TITLE WITH ESOTERIC/OBSCURE PLAY ON WORDS]

David Fleming, [INSERT CURRENT TITLE]

Gary Franchy, [INSERT CURRENT TITLE]

[INSERT OPENING QUESTION]

Question features:

  • Use "Anonymous" as signature if the requestor disavows participation upon review of final draft of article, or if question is fictitious
  • Must use quirky enough question to allow for a minimum of two tangential discussions
  • May reference previous article

[INSERT INITIAL RESPONSE BY "EXPERT"]

Response features:

  • If WCAC-related, Gary advocates for consistency and regularity
  • If QuAAC-related, Dave attempts to divert conversation away from numbers

[INSERT FIRST TANGENTIAL DISCUSSION]

For Gary:

  • Multiple allusions to pop culture
  • Deflate "Pompous Dave" with "Skippy" reference
  • Insert Puns, puns, and more puns 

For Dave:

  • Allude to humble West Virginian hillbilly origins
  • Show disdain for Gary's puns

For Both:

  • Insert double/triple entendres
  • Profess "innocent" explanation of entendres
  • Threaten physical violence
  • Indicate acts of physical violence
  • Insert hyperlinks that most readers will never open

[INSERT MAIN LEARNING POINT]

Learning Point features:

  • Cite actual experts
  • Insert Hyperlinks that some readers may actually open

[INSERT SECOND TANGENTIAL DISCUSSION]

[INSERT SECONDARY LEARNING POINT]

Secondary Learning Point features:

  • If WCAC-related, Gary experiences revelation and agrees with Dave
  • If QuAAC-related, Dave experiences revelation and agrees with Gary

[INSERT OPTIONAL THIRD TANGENTIAL DISCUSSION]

[INSERT CONCLUSION]

Conclusion features:

  • Bring discussion full circle
  • Hurl final insult

[INSERT DISCLAIMER]

Disclaimer features:

  • Last ditch effort to diffuse any appearance of impropriety
  • One final pun
  • Prudence necessary for keeping jobs

 

I could only assume that, given the chance, they would have titled this article "Indiana Dave and the Template of Doom" or "Dave and Gary Contemplate Their Writing" and would have provided links to Microsoft {http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/templates/default.aspx} or PCWorld {http://www.pcworld.com/howto/article/0,aid,87624,00.asp} on using templates.

Have a great holiday and look for original material by Dave and Gary next year.

Amy L Charles

Editor