| Groundhog's Day Card From A Looker In Academepolis (Or, Snow Falling On Meters)
February 1, 2014: Groundhog's Day Card from a Looker in Academepolis (Or, Snow Falling on Meters)
Shoveling for the second time this afternoon, figuring the damn groundhog can't even find his way out of his den, my i-phone shuffled to the beautiful "Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis" by Tom Waits. (If you don't know the song, please listen to it here). Here are Waits' lyrics:
Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis*
Hey, Charley, I'm pregnant and living on 9-th street,
right above a dirty bookstore off Euclid Avenue,
and I stopped taking dope, and I quit drinking whiskey,
and my old man plays the trombone, and works out at the track.
And he says that he loves me even though it's not his baby,
and he says that he'll raise him up like he would his own son.
and he gave me a ring that was worn by his mother,
and he takes me out dancing every Saturday night.
And, hey, Charley, I think about you everytime I pass a fillin' station
on account of all the grease you used to wear in your hair,
and I still have that record of Little Anthony & the Imperials,
but someone stole my record player: how do you like that?
Hey, Charley, I almost went crazy after Mario got busted,
so I went back to Omaha to live with my folks,
but everyone I used to know was either dead or in prison,
so I came back in Minneapolis; this time I think I'm gonna stay.
Hey, Charley, I think I'm happy for the first time since my accident,
and I wish I had all the money that we used to spend on dope.
I'd buy me a used car lot and I wouldn't sell any of em.
I'd just drive a different car every day depending on how I feel.
Hey, Charley, for Christ's sake, do you want to know the truth of it?
I don't have a husband; he don't play the trombone,
and I need to borrow money to pay this lawyer,
and, Charley, hey, I'll be eligible for parole come Valentines Day.
And now my depressed-by-snow academic version:
Groundhog's Day Card from a Looker in Academepolis
Hey, Charley, I'm stuck in snow on the way to school
trying to get my texts at the college bookstore,
and I stopped taking art classes and skipping math,
and my old man drives the ambulance on a manager's track.
And he says that he loves me even when I get my MBA,
and he says that he'll not hold that against me,
and he gave me a ring given him by a girl whose life he saved,
and he quizzes me on fractions every Saturday night
And, hey, Charley, I think about you everytime I pass a test
on account of the way schoolwork always made you snear,
and I still have that selfie of you and me at the church,
but someone stole my cell phone: how do you like that?
Hey, Charley, I almost went crazy after Mario got busted.
so I went back to nowhere to live with my folks,
but everyone I used to know was either working in Walmart or in prison.
So I came back in Academepolis; this time I think I'm gonna stay.
Hey, Charley, I think I'm happy for the first time since high school,
and I wish I had all the money that we used to spend on clothes.
I'd buy me a bunch of laptops, not even with financial aid.
I'd just use each one every day depending on how I feel.
Hey, Charley, for Christ's sake, do you want to know the truth of it?
I don't have a husband; he don't save no lives,
and I need to borrow money to pay this tow truck driver
and Charley, hey, I'll be eligible for reinstatement come Memorial Day.
That made me feel a little better. Then I look outside and see more snow falling. Maybe tomorrow "Get Behind the Mule" gets turned into "Get Behind the Plow."
* Tom Waits, 1978
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