October 25, 2026

The call's coming from inside your house, Ma'am.

Is there somebody else in there with you?

Just some billionaires and well-dressed agents,

But surely they have better things to do.

Can you see patrols out your windows, Ma'am?

Those people have arrived to get you free.

Oh, my blinds always stay in place, young man,

I don't like what I am told I will see.

There's no evidence of boogeymen, Ma'am,

Your home, your children, and your pets are safe.

You're just setting out to trick me with lies.

Take my job, money, send me to my grave.

Honestly, Ma'am, these are professionals

At making frightful, disturbing prank calls.

We see it every November, Ma'am,

Taking advantage of the ghouls of Fall.

Would you ne-er-do-wells leave me alone?

I know everything about your tickets.

I'm hanging up now, don't call me again.

But, you called us, Ma'am . . . {crickets}