September 15, 2022

In a campaign headquarters somewhere deep in America . . . or maybe Russia.

Aspiring Candidate: Let's talk campaign songs. None of that "Don't Stop" shit! I want something that screams "Me!"

Campaign aide #1: Recognize that getting the rights of any famous song is going to be very difficult, sir.

Aspiring Candidate: Negative Nellie right out of the gate, eh? You're fired!

{Campaign aide #1 slinks out of the room. Campaign aide #2 slides into the abandoned chair.}

Campaign aide #2: Tell us a little bit about what you are thinking, sir?  Something like "Rockin' In The Free World" or "Born In The U.S.A.?"

Aspiring Candidate: Hell, no. None of that broad idealism stuff. Something that is all about me, my vision, my greatness!"

Campaign aide #2: Well, that will be interesting.  Anybody have any ideas?

Campaign aide #3: How about Ringo Starr's "I'm The Greatest?"

Aspiring Candidate: How many people remember that? How many people remember Ringo Starr?  Screw that.

{Crickets chirping}

Campaign aide #2: C'mon, gang, we can do better than this.  What song is uniquely our candidate's?

Campaign aide #4: With all due respect, he ain't nothing. There are hundreds like him out there on the trail. Everybody wants to rule the world.

Aspiring Candidate: Hey, I liked that one when it was out. What were those guys called?  "Fear Factor?"

Campaign aide #2: No, sir, that was that Joe Rogan show.

Aspiring Candidate: I like Rogan.

Campaign aide #2: No one would ever doubt that, sir. No, "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" was by Tears for Fears.

Aspiring Candidate: Really?  That was their name?  Pretty wimpy.  Surely we can do better.

Campaign aide #4: Welcome to your life, sir.

Aspiring Candidate: There you go again. I like that line. What song is that from?

Campaign aide #2: Still "Everybody Wants To Rule The World."

Aspiring Candidate: I seem to remember an Austin-Healey. That is a cool car I want associated with me.

Campaign aide #4: {Under his breath} As if he could get his fat ass in it.

Campaign aide #2: That was in the Tears For Fears' video for the song.

Aspiring Candidate: I can't stand this indecision.

Campaign aide #3: There you go, sir. That's a line from the song.

Aspiring Candidate: Let's go.

Campaign aide #3 {simultaneous with #4): The Cars!

Campaign aide #4 {simultaneous with #2}: New Order!

Aspiring Candidate: Everybody shut up. I no longer care about their stupid name. When we use the song, everyone will now associate it with my vast empire. So, here's what I am seeing. A commercial with me and a beautiful girl driving the Austin-Healey while "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" is playing.

Campaign aide #2: Which line, sir? How about the "acting on your best behavior?" Irony plays well with your target audience.

Campaign aide #4: {Under his breath} That's 'cause they are too stupid to see it.

Campaign aide #3: Or, how about, "Turn your back on mother nature." That aligns with your desire to eliminate all legislation related to ecological issues.

Aspiring Candidate: I like it. You all are starting to get this.

Campaign aide #2: And we finish with a shot from behind the car with you and your wife waving from the Austin-Healey while the final message flashes across the screen: "All for freedom and all for pleasure."

Aspiring Candidate: My wife? Are you kidding me? Get me some 20-year old actress instead. O.k. I am outta here. There's a hamburger with my name on it somewhere. {Candidate shuffles out of the room, belching loudly}

Campaign aide #4: You think we can get approval from Tears For Fears?

Campaign aide #2: Who knows? The song was a last second add-on to their album Songs From The Big Chair and they always have been befuddled by its success, so maybe they won't object.

Campaign aide #3: Sell it to them as the best way to show the song "married with a lack of vision."

Campaign aide #2: Good idea. I am off to call them. Wish me luck.

Campaign aide #4: {Under his breath} Crap, wish us all luck.

Tears For Fears. "Everybody Wants To Rule The World." Songs From The Big Chair.  Vertigo, 1985. Link here.

Day 181: Erin McKeown "You Were Right About Everything"

Day 183: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones "The Impression That I Get"

See complete list here.